and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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