its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize