I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize