I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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