She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
