My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
