so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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