Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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