I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
