i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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