You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
