Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
