Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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