I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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