Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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