yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
