no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
