He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
