yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
