when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
