Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
