Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
