he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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