Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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