So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
