He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
