North Korea, Best Korea!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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