your parents love me but you hate me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
