We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
