Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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