there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He? As in you personified your dick?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
