At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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