normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize