if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
