stop calling my apartment porn island.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
