Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
