I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
