Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
