I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize