My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
