I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
