When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
