I want to stick my p in your. b.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
