5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I know her cup size but not her name....
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