an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
