if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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