Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
