Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Never joke about your clitoris.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
