some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
