Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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