I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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