You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
