apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
cat food counts as protein by the way
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
