she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
