So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
