he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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