with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
