Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
