you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
