honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
