I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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