dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
