ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I haven't been this sober since birth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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