i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
