Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
