OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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