Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
