i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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