Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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