They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
