In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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