so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
