Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize