The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
